


Not used to this

by unbreakable13



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbreakable13/pseuds/unbreakable13
Summary: I was trying to write Darcy being awkward and unsure about expressing himself even after Elizabeth accepts his hand. Not sure if it depicts that or not, but a short scene, set two weeks after their engagement.Update: Somehow turned into a series. Chapter 3 added!
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
Comments: 73
Kudos: 863





	1. Chapter 1

Fitzwilliam Darcy walked in through the front door of his London townhouse behind Elizabeth Bennet in a rush, trying to escape the unexpected rain that had forced a walk with his fiancee in the park to be cut short. But he didn't mind the rain or much of anything these days. The past two weeks might have been the happiest days of his life, ever since the woman standing a short distance away from him, laughing as a servant assisted her in wiping the rain off her hair and clothes, had accepted his hand.  
  
Elizabeth turned to him and said “Haven't we had the most riveting of a walk today?”  
  
Her face was flushed and a strand of wet hair was sticking to the side of her face. Darcy still hadn't grown used to the way she looked at him now, with an openness in her eyes that had not been there for most of their acquaintanceship. And he had thought her eyes couldn't have looked lovelier than after a three mile walk across the country to visit a sick sister.  
  
Darcy responded a bit too late, “Indeed”.  
  
Elizabeth just smiled at him and continued looking directly into his eyes. He had to look away. He still hadn't grown used to this. The openness. The eyes. The smiles. The love.  
  
Coming back to himself, he ordered a fire to be lit and tea to be brought to the parlor where they could warm themselves up after the ruined walk. And taking Elizabeth's arm, he walked her to the parlor.  
  
Soon after, he found himself sitting with a cup of hot tea in his hands and watching Elizabeth pouring out one for herself. Georgiana had gone to visit a friend and the rain had probably delayed her return. Elizabeth sat down on the other end of the sofa with her cup and started an easy conversation about a letter she had received from Jane. Bingley was staying at Netherfield for the moment and was dining at Longbourn every day. Her genuine happiness as she talked about some minor details regarding her sister's wedding plans almost brought on a pang of guilt to his heart. So close he had come to ruining it all, for himself, for Charles and for Jane. That life had given him an opportunity to redeem himself was greatly fortunate. Second chances are rare.  
  
The conversation moved on from one topic to the next, flowing easily with a quick banter between the two that lit up both of their faces. As Elizabeth finally put her empty cup down on the table, Darcy leaned in to do the same. Their hands brushed against each other, they both looked up at the same time. Looking into her eyes, he suddenly became acutely aware of the fact that they were unchaperoned, the first time since the fateful morning when she had agreed to be his wife. It was Elizabeth who looked away this time, busying herself with putting away the tea things.  
  
Forcing himself to be bolder than he was feeling, he took one of Elizabeth's hands in both of his own, gently pulling her away from the table and back to the sofa. “I must confess, I…” But he wasn't sure what he wanted to convey… how he could express his gratitude, his utter happiness, all the emotions that seemed to overwhelm him and make his heart feel like bursting every night when he went to bed.  
  
He was staring at their hands now. Her soft hand entangled with both of his, how he wished to never let go. She gently put her other hand on the side of his face, and he couldn't help but lean into her touch. “You can tell me anything”, she spoke softly. Her words, spoken so intimately, just for him. He looked up and whispered, “I'm afraid, madam, that I'm even more in love than I was two weeks or even two months ago.”  
  
Her smile in return was blinding, “I thought you were going to confess something terrible. About family secrets or past romances.”  
  
He could hear her teasing him at the end there. He wasn't used to being teased, it was only her who ever dared. She always made him stumble, he didn't know how to respond. Past romances… as a boy, he may have fancied himself attracted to someone or the other, but with age, the amount of unwelcome attention he received from both women looking to make a “good match” and their mothers, had made him form a severe opinion of the whole sex. Would she think him a liar if he said that in his twenty eight years, no woman had ever come even close to capturing his attention the way she had from almost the beginning of their acquaintanceship. And once he started paying attention, there was no way to stop, to turn back. And he had tried, desperately so. What a fool he had been.  
  
Elizabeth was still waiting for a reply, the smile still playing on her lips. He wanted to kiss those lips, he thought… not for the first time. Instead he bent down and kissed her hand.  
  
“I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm not revealing anything of that nature. Yet.” He finally responded, trying to match the lightness of her mood.  
  
“Yet!?” She immediately exclaimed. “So I should be worrying about such revelations coming my way some time in the future?”  
  
“Most certainly. Once I have you tied down in holy matrimony with no possibility of deciding to break off our arrangement, can I even begin to consider telling you my secret history.”  
  
“Now you certainly have piqued my interest and I can hardly wait for the day of the wedding so that I can begin nagging you about revealing this secret history.”  
  
“Neither can I.”  
  
He realized that they were smiling at each other quite foolishly, and in another time, Fitzwilliam Darcy would have scoffed at any couple wearing such expressions.  
  
Elizabeth's smile slowly turned into a blush as they continued to stare at each other. His eyes eyes involuntary fell down to her lips again. And this time before he could distract his mind, he found himself leaning in towards her. And even more surprising was that Elizabeth instead of turning away from him, was leaning in towards him.  
  
Their lips met in the softest of touches. He inhaled sharply. How many times had he imagined doing this. He slowly leaned in further, deepening the kiss, his arms coming to wrap around her waist. Her hands were on his chest now, pressed against him so surely. He was afraid that at any moment she might put a stop to this reckless behavior, given that the door to the parlor was kept ajar for propriety's sake and anybody could walk in at any moment. But blessedly, she continued to kiss him back as if she had been longing for this just as much as him. This thought made his lips even more urgent against hers, his grip around her waist tighter. Her arms had moved up to circle around his neck now. But he wanted her closer still. He didn't know how he had lost control of his senses so completely, but he was appalled at finding himself pulling her onto his lap. And he was even more appalled when she let him do it with no protest. Her hands had found their way into his hair and sitting above him, she truly was driving him mad.  
  
But she broke away from him to catch her breath. They were both breathing hard, their foreheads touching. He was afraid of saying anything. He was also afraid that this was too good to be true, too good to be truly happening outside of his imagination. And if this was indeed yet another dream, pray that he never wakes up.  
  
She cleared her throat and broke the silence with a whisper, “Fitzwilliam, I should...”  
  
It was the first time she had called him Fitzwilliam.  
  
“Elizabeth…”  
  
She had begun to move, to probably get off his lap but the sound of his voice whispering her name made her stop.  
  
They were looking at each other again, neither sure what to say or do. Maybe the emotion visible though their eyes was enough, but maybe it wasn't… their lips met once again.  
  
Even before the kiss had really begun though, he felt her rapidly jumping out of his arms and as far away from him on the sofa as possible. He was just realizing what had happened when she was back next to him, hands in his hair. It took him a second to realise that she was trying to fix his hair, to make it look presentable again. And then he heard the approaching footsteps at the door.  
  
Elizabeth was up in a second, walking to the door, happily greeting Georgiana, expressing her annoyance at the weather, asking about her visit to the friend. Darcy closed his eyes, taking two deep breaths, willing his heartbeat to slow down.  
  
He then stood up and joined Elizabeth and Georgiana, though not much of his contribution was needed in the conversation. He had always known that two women he admired beyond all others would get along well. To see it confirmed before his eyes, brought great peace to his heart.  
  
As they moved to get back to the sofa, Elizabeth grabbed a moment when Georgiana's back was to them to give his hand a gentle squeeze.  
  
The short gesture was just for him, given secretly. As was the look in her eyes the numerous times he caught her eyes all through the evening. They were given just to him.  
  
The smiles. The eyes. The stolen kisses. The caresses. The sighs. The love.  
  
In the weeks until their wedding day, there were many things, small and not so small, that took Darcy by surprise. Because he wasn't used to them. But someday he will be… Or perhaps, they would always catch him a little by surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Second chances are rare" line is a nod to Lizzie Bennet Diaries, probably my favorite adaptation of this story.  
> Only my second ever fic, so feedback is appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Added a second chapter that shows Darcy being a little more secure with his relationship with Elizabeth. Set two weeks after their wedding.

Fitzwilliam Darcy woke up slowly… He was lying on his side and as he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw Elizabeth, his wife of two weeks still deep in sleep, lying two feet away from him, her face slightly bent downwards, one hand stretched out halfway towards him. Behind her, he could see the dawn breaking through the thin, white curtains of the large windows of his bedroom at Pemberley. Darcy moved closer and and placed his hand over hers as gently as possible without disturbing her sleep. She formed a beautiful picture, her form framed by the early morning glow, a few curls had come undone from her braid and were falling over her face.

It had only been a few days since her arrival in Pemberley. After the wedding in Hertfordshire, he had wanted to bring her to his home immediately. He knew most people expected them to spend some time in town before going to the countryside, but he had been really grateful when Elizabeth had enthusiastically agreed to his suggestion of going to Derbyshire first. After breakfast everyday, he took her walking or riding through the estate, telling her interesting bits of history, or some childhood memory or the other. Her enjoyment of the time spent outdoors this way was apparent and he had now started planning ahead, where they were to go the next morning, or the next time there was a clear blue sky, or in the autumn when the leaves have turned golden or next year when spring starts to bloom. It was a joy to think that he had a whole lifetime to share with this wonderful woman. He felt he ended up talking too much whenever they were out alone together, but she always appeared so interested in whatever he was saying, asked such thoughtful questions, that he no longer felt self conscious about dominating most of the conversations.

Their evenings were generally spent indoors. Elizabeth had quickly taken to exploring the sizeable library at Pemberley, and he had been quick to notice that when with her books, much like him, she preferred being alone. Looking at her quietly turning the pages of a book reminded him of the evenings at Netherfield where she had often sat in a similar fashion. She looked much the same, but everything in him was different. Back then his heart had been in utter turmoil, but now there was happiness and a sense of peace.

And then there was the time with Elizabeth after they retired upstairs. The few days Elizabeth had been here, she had spent every night in his bedroom. The room across the wall that Georgiana had taken such pains to prepare for the new mistress of Pemberly had hardly seen any use. Each night after getting ready for bed, Elizabeth walked through the connecting door to his room in her nightgown. The first night this had happened, Darcy was almost embarrassed to remember his nervousness. Elizabeth had been nervous as well, more than he had ever seen her before or after. They had had a tiring day of travel and both of them were exhausted. He had simply embraced her and gone to sleep. They had woken up sharing a new intimacy, with shy smiles, slow kisses. The nerves of the previous night had not disappeared completely but they were accompanied by a sense of anticipation now. Their first time together had been that morning, in the light glow of the morning breaking outside, much like right now. He would remember each touch, each sensation from that morning for the rest of his life, but more than that he would remember the look of complete trust she had in her eyes every time he beheld them. 

There had been a time when the solitude of his bed at the end of a long day was what he looked forward to most. He hadn't been a sound sleeper for many years, probably since the passing away of his parents. Sometimes, he woke up as many as ten times times in the middle of the night. But having a warm Elizabeth to turn to wherever he woke up now changed everything. Sometimes, he woke to find her head neatly tucked into his shoulder. Sometimes, she was at the other end of the bed with her legs still intertwined with his. Sometimes, he would crawl closer to her, drop a kiss on her shoulder or cheek and listen to her breath until sleep claimed him again. Sometimes, he accidentally woke her, sometimes, they would share a few sleepy kisses until she whispered, “go to sleep” and promptly fell back asleep again. In any case, Darcy wasn't likely to wish for the solitude of his bed ever again.

Unable to resist, he reached out and slowly swept the hair obscuring her face away and felt her beginning to wake up. This was his favorite part of the day, watching her wake up. She opened her eyes and stretched her arms. He watched enraptured, as if trying to memorize each tiny movement of her body.

“Good morning, my love” she murmured and closing the gap between them, wrapped her arm around his middle, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. My love... The term of endearment was new, she had only started using it a week or so ago. It made him smile. 

Wrapping his arms securely around her, he said, “Good morning. I hope you slept well?”

“Mm..” she agreed with a slight nod. “I had a dream about a river… I was sitting on the bank, you were there. I forgot what happened.” 

“Must have been nice. Both of us sitting by a river.”

“Hmm…”, she replied, “not as nice as this...'' as she left a trail of gentle kisses down his jaw.

Darcy closed his eyes and sought her mouth. All of this could be overwhelming, but kissing Elizabeth always set everything right in his world. He rolled them to the side till he was above her, their bodies melded together. If touching her could be called overwhelming, having her hands on his body, teasing him just as her words teased him in their conversations, was a feeling indescribable, even if he tried. He was lost in the haze of her breaths, her fingers, her lips, her eyes, the desires she brought out in him, undulating his body and soul within her arms.

What seemed like a lifetime later, when he was lying exhausted in her embrace, and she was slowly caressing his hair, she said, “So, Mr. Darcy, where are you taking me today?”

“Can't I just keep you here, Mrs. Darcy?” he replied, looking up.

She laughed out, and with eyes shining replied “For as long as you may wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one i think did not turn out as well as the first one, but I hope you enjoy reading it still.  
> Also, writing regency style is HARD! So I just pretty much gave up.  
> If there are mistakes, please let me know :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Lizzy's point of view, set a week or so after the last chapter.

Elizabeth Darcy was lying awake in her bed late at night. It had been a while since she had blown out the candle by the bed, but sleep refused to come to her. 

It was her first night sleeping in her own room at Pemberley, her new home these past twenty days. It was a large room, beautifully done in shades of lavender. And in the day time, she had grown to quite like this space of her own. She loved how light and airy it was with the large windows overlooking the grounds, and the settee by the corner window had become a particularly favorite spot to admire the view. 

But in the dark, it was different. It felt entirely too big, with the darkness pressing in on her on all sides. She had never really noticed how unnecessarily large these rooms were in all her nights with Fitzwilliam in his room. The bed itself was too big. In Longbourn, she had shared a bed with Jane for as long as she could remember. And if on occasion, Jane was not at home, her place was quickly taken up by Mary who was always looking for an excuse to escape the room she shared with Lydia and Kitty. Elizabeth wished that like her bed in Longbourn, this bed was placed against a wall. Sleeping in the corner of the large room would have felt better for some reason. But as it was, she had decided to huddle under her sheets at the very edge of the bed.

She knew she was being silly, but she almost wanted to get up and knock on the door to Fitzwilliam's room and tell him she had changed her mind and would be sleeping there after all. In the evening today when she had gotten her monthly blood, she had thought that sleeping alone during this time of the month would be better. She had gone to a waiting Fitzwilliam in his room and slowly told him why she wouldn't be staying with him for the next few days. It was her first time talking about such a subject with a man, and despite all that the two of them had already shared, she had found the idea slightly uncomfortable. He, on the other hand, had reacted with complete composure other than being concerned for her well being. He had immediately said, “Oh, of course. You should lie down. You didn't need to come all the way here just to tell me this. I could have come to you. Is there anything you need? I could…”

She had interrupted him by placing a finger on his lips. “No, I am quite alright. I will see you in the morning then,” she had said with a smile.

“Yes.” And leaning in he had placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Saying goodbye, even for just a few hours had made her almost sad… When he broke off the kiss, she had pulled him back in for a little longer. And then she had quietly walked back to her own bed and had been lying awake since.

She wondered if he was asleep already and by knocking would she disturb his sleep. _This is silly… I am an adult woman. I am capable of spending one night alone in my own room. Tomorrow, I will tell him I changed my mind._

Just then a sudden knock started her, followed by a quiet enquiry.

“Elizabeth…?” 

She was relieved to hear the familiar voice. Maybe he had read her mind and come to relieve her of her worries. She smiled at the inane notion and called out, “Yes, Fitzwilliam... The door is open...”

The door opened and she saw Fitzwilliam standing there with a candle in his hand. She couldn't help but notice, how handsome he looked even in the dim light.

“I am sorry. Were you asleep? I did not mean to disturb you.” He was squinting, trying to make her out in the dark but the one small candle wasn't enough to light the whole room.

“No, no, it's fine. Come here… Is anything the matter?”

Fitzwilliam slowly walked towards her and she could tell the moment he finally saw her because his face broke into a smile. He placed the candle on the bedside and sank down to the floor to sit beside the bed. Elizabeth tried to protest, beginning to move to make space for him on the bed, but he insisted. “Shh… just stay where you are, don't move for my sake. I have a right to sit on the floor in my own home, if I so desire.”

Elizabeth smiled and settled back down on her pillows. Fitzwilliam settled down as well, with one shoulder leaning against the bed frame, his head to the side, staring at her. Elizabeth bent her knees till they came up to him, so he could lean his head against them, which he did.

“I am sorry for intruding upon you in this manner. I couldn't sleep and I thought I'd come see once if you were awake or if you needed anything. If you hadn't responded I would have gone back to bed,” he said in a rush. She could sense the tension behind those words. She reached out and placed her hand against his face, gently stroking his cheek. He closed his eyes and she felt his whole body relax under her touch. He worried entirely too much. And she had once thought this man to be unfeeling and cold. 

Her past blindness still surprised her. Now, she could read his worries in the way he held himself, could understand how his discomfort in unfamiliar company made him stiffen his back and stand taller, could listen to his words of concern and know that he loved her with a sincerity that she could have scarcely perceived before. She used to say that only the deepest love shall ever induce her to marry, but only after loving him and being loved by him, had she understood what the words “deepest love” meant in actuality. 

“It’s ok, my love… If you hadn't come, I would have come knocked on your door myself. You just saved me the trouble. I couldn't sleep either.” She spoke softly as she continued to stroke his face. But he opened his eyes and his brow furrowed. 

“Why? Are you in pain?”

Elizabeth smiled, “No, I suppose I am simply not used to sleeping alone.”

He smiled and placing his own hand over hers said, “In that case, I shall stay here till you fall asleep. I will return to my room afterwards.”

His hand was warm, and his blue eyes seemed to be glowing in the candle light. Elizabeth sighed, “That arrangement is not acceptable at all.”

“Hmm… Then what arrangement would be to your satisfaction?” he replied seriously.

“I am happy with the first claus, but the second claus is wholly intolerable. You must remove it at once.” 

His warm smile, in return, was beautiful. He stood up and quietly got into the bed beside her as she moved to make space for him. She turned around and he came up behind her, till his whole body was curved around hers, one arm going around her waist, pulling her in, even closer. She loved how well their bodies fit together. The darkness that had felt oppressive to her just a short while ago, now felt charged with something else entirely.

He placed a gentle kiss on her neck, just below the ear and whispered, “Is this a better arrangement?”

She nodded in silent agreement and turning her head kissed him full on the mouth. There had been many unexpected turns that their relationship had taken, but one thing Elizabeth had never anticipated was the strength of her own desire for him. It was only made worse by the knowledge that he desired her just as much. 

With each passing morning, it grew harder and harder to leave his arms and his loving kisses and get back to her own room to start the day. He would always whisper between kisses, “we'll be late for breakfast” or “we should get up” but he wouldn't ever loosen his grip around her waist or ask her to actually leave. She wondered if with anyone else she could have expressed herself so openly, so unabashedly. But if she wasn't open and unabashed, neither would he be. That he hesitated almost every time he had occasion to be honest about his feelings and desires concerned with her, hadn't been hard to notice. She wondered if maybe this uncertainty stemmed from the disastrous events of that day in Hunsford when he had first confessed his feelings. He had been honest that day, even when harsh, his words had been honest. And in return, she in her anger, had responded with the words that would hurt him the most. He hadn't been blameless, but not deserving of such resentful censure either. She had tried apologizing once, after the wedding, but Fitzwilliam had become so vexed talking about his own behavior in the past that her apology fell on deaf ears. In the end, she had changed the subject because she didn't want to see the pained look in his eyes any longer.

But since the advent of their new relationship together, they both had inadvertently found a balance, or more of a cycle. If one of them could be honest, so could the other. If one could be teasing, so could the other. If one could be bold or daring, so could the other. She wasn't certain if the latter always made them take the best of decisions but seeing him open up in front of her was such a joy, that everything else, in comparison, mattered little.

Just two days ago, while out on a walk, Elizabeth had dared him to race across a wooded path. He had, as any sensible gentleman ought to, refused saying “What if we were to come across someone who questioned the reason behind a mad dash through the woods?” She, at the end of this enquiry, had simply let go of his arm and had started running at full speed until he was forced to join her. In trying to make her stop, he had made both of them tumble onto the ground on top of each other. She had found the entire event hilarious and to make her stop laughing, he had pressed his lips to hers. When they had finally parted, she had asked, “What if we were to come across someone who questioned the reason behind such a shameless display?” 

“Then I would ask them to mind their own business.” And with that he had joined his lips to hers once more. Their kisses had grown more fervent until her words had gotten ahead of herself and she had blurted out, “Take me to bed.”

His head had snapped up from her neck. “What? Now? At this time of the day?”

“Oh, well… no…” she had begun to deny what she had meant, until he had said, “I mean, we could…”

“We could?” she asked incredulously. “What would the servants think?”

He sat up, thought for a while and spoke very seriously, “Well, you could be feeling ill suddenly and I, being a concerned husband, could insist upon sitting up with you myself...”

All the way back to the house the two had repeatedly claimed to each other that the other lacked what it took to be so duplicitous. In an attempt to prove oneself in the eyes of the other, the two had ended up performing a whole charade in front of the entire household where she was feeling weak and needed to lie down in bed immediately and he was worriedly ordering her lunch to be brought directly to her room and then deciding that he, in fact would be joining her. 

Their acts had lasted till they both finally found them themselves alone in her bedroom. Closing the door behind Mrs. Reynolds, Fitzwilliam had turned towards her and almost immediately they had burst out laughing, and then at the same they had proceeded to shush each other. Slowly, he had walked towards where she was lying down and they had continued from where they had left off in the woods. They had spent a majority of the afternoon in between the sheets and only later when a concerned Mrs. Reynolds had knocked on the door asking if everything was okay with Elizabeth or if a doctor should be called, had they sat up guiltily. After Elizabeth reassured Mrs. Reynolds that she was feeling much better and that only some tea would be enough to revive her spirits, she had helped Fitzwilliam get dressed. 

Later that night, when they were in bed together, she had unwillingly reproached him, “You shouldn't indulge every senseless whim of mine.”

“And what if I am only indulging mine?”

Remembering that look on his face, Elizabeth smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. From behind her, he whispered, “Oh, you're awake. Still unable to sleep?”

“Your presence, sir, as it turns out, is too distracting.”

“Or you, madam, are too easily distracted.” And as he spoke, his hand found its way to the side of her leg and slowly began moving up her thigh. Her breath caught. She knew she should tell him to stop before she lost the capability to do so, but maybe she never held that capability in the first place.

But he stopped of his own accord and placed his arm safely around her waist again. He let out a long sigh and whispered, “I missed you. That's why I couldn't sleep.” 

It was in moments like these, when his few simple words or a small gesture revealed the depth of his emotions for her, that she found herself being overwhelmed with her own love for this kind, caring, gentle man. She half turned around to look at him, but his eyes were fixed somewhere around her shoulder. She whispered back, “Are you speaking your own mind or have you somehow managed to steal the words I was thinking of speaking?”

He finally looked up and met her eyes as a nearly bashful smile spread across his face. He closed the gap between them to give her a lingering kiss and in a tender tone whispered, “Now, really stop tempting me Elizabeth and go to sleep.”

She smiled and taking his hand in her own, slowly drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too many ideas, so this chapter ended up being super long. Feedback, as always, is appreciated 😊
> 
> Also, idk if anyone else feels better sleeping in the corner in a large unfamiliar room, but that's what I felt like when i moved into my last apartment.


End file.
